PROLOGUE - Rough Draft

This category is where all threads pertaining to the Writing of SC Animated's script should go.

Moderators: Writers, Director

Re: Rough Draft

Postby Becky on 18 Nov 2009, 14:32

That's really well written. The only real problems I had with it were ;

They said they were going to make me one of them, like it was some great honor. That’s how it started. They told me I was going to join them. Not ask. Not suggest or request. It was an order. And right then, I knew what kind of people I was dealing with. The Animorphs liked to play soldier and pretend they were an army. And now they had someone new to give orders to.

You spelt honor wrong ; it should be honour. And.....

Maybe I could have lived with their hypocrisy if it had just been that one thing. But that wasn’t it at all. They made fun of me. I know that doesn’t sound bad; it sounds like I’m some kid complaining to a teacher at school. But you have to understand: they mocked me, after they stole my life from me. They made jokes at my expense after they destroyed my house and kidnapped me. They made fun of me because my parents were Controllers now and I couldn’t show my face without every Yeerk in town trying to tear it off. They laughed at me. And when I said anything in my defense, their ‘leader’, Jake, silenced me. He let his friends insult me all they wanted, but if I dared to say anything back…

Defense is spelt defence. But apart from that, it was very good. I had no problems with it.

Will David be saying all of this? Like a narrator for the first little scene?
[center]Are you a writer that needs any editing to be done? I'll be happy to help you! Just give me a PM, and I'll get right to work. I hope that I can do buisness with you soon! :D[/center]
Nothing to edit...not even one chapter?
User avatar
Becky
Writing Editor
 
Posts: 12
Joined: 26 Oct 2009, 13:29

Re: PROLOGUE - Rough Draft

Postby Becky on 19 Nov 2009, 15:26

capnnerefir wrote:
Becky wrote:You spelt honor wrong ; it should be honour.

Actually, in America, there's no u in honor. Also in America, defense/defence is spelled with an s. It's a well kept secret, but we actually speak our own language over here, related to English in only the most superficial of ways. ;)

Becky wrote:Will David be saying all of this? Like a narrator for the first little scene?

Yeah, this'd all be David; at least for now. I'm working off of something Hannah suggested:

Hannah wrote:In my sorta... "vision" for it, we would have a prologue that wouldn't be a full episode length, more like five to ten minutes or so, and then a week or so later we would release the actual first episode.

This is how I think the prologue should go:

We start with him narrating and showing him crawling around on the rocks. Telling us his view on being turned into a rat stuck on an island, etc. The narration would probably end up sounding like he's become psychotic, which he has, but more like a calm, contained psychotic. Then Crayak comes to him and gives him back the power to morph. (I need to flesh this bit out some more, because I don't exactly know what sort of deal they would strike, though I know they struck one, if I remember correctly. Probably something like the Animorphs' heads on a platter) It ends (que dramatic music) with David on the beach with, like... a sunsetty backdrop, walking towards the "camera".
That last shot would also make for a good "poster".


lol. Well, I'm just telling you how to speak proper English. And I should know, becuse I speak proper English. But that's just 'cause us Scot's speak proper English. At least, in real life we do. Not when we're typing. :D

And I think it's just confusing that Americans and English both speak English, but spell stuff differentally. Like color and colour. You spell it one way, we spell it the other. I just can't remember which.
[center]Are you a writer that needs any editing to be done? I'll be happy to help you! Just give me a PM, and I'll get right to work. I hope that I can do buisness with you soon! :D[/center]
Nothing to edit...not even one chapter?
User avatar
Becky
Writing Editor
 
Posts: 12
Joined: 26 Oct 2009, 13:29


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

cron